Having the Courage to be Honest in Relationships
By Monika Kirkland
God's Brave Women - Monika's Story
I ran into the elevator and pushed the “lobby” button as fast as I could, my face hot and flushed as tears began to well up in my eyes. Hurry, hurry, hurry. If I can just make it to my car before the tears come...
I breezed through the lobby with my head down, avoiding making eye contact as much as possible, wishing I had a hat or sunglasses or something with which to hide my face. If someone saw the tears I would be asked, “is everything ok?” and then I would collapse into a pitiful heap of tears and sobs and snot. I desperately needed that not to happen. So, I rushed as quickly as possible to my car. I fumbled with my keys, opened the door, and climbed in.
Safe at last.
The rush of tears and snot came faster than I thought possible, but I was alone and I let it all out. Sweet relief.
I am what some people not-so-lovingly refer to as “too sensitive.” I prefer the terms tender or authentic or emotionally available, but alas, we can’t always get our way.
On this particular day, some things were said and some things were left unsaid with a dear friend. I was hurt. I felt overlooked, unseen, and completely misunderstood. The consequence of an ongoing series of miscommunications that slowly piled one on top of the other until the house of cards came tumbling down. So, I did what one does in this situation and had an emotional meltdown in my car. Totally normal, right?
I have a rule. First: I just let the tears come. I let myself feel it all—all the messy, muddled emotions. The hurt, the ache, the discomfort, the sting of rejection. I allow myself to feel what I’m feeling; I do my best not to judge it. I simply release it and cry out to God, my very own psalm of lament. He’s strong enough to handle it.