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Taking Off the Brave Face: Trusting God with Our Pain and Healing

By Amy Allender

God's Brave Women - Amy's Story

In a swift and unexpected decline, I transformed from a strong, 27-year-old fitness instructor to a woman dependent on pain killers, barely able to maneuver a vacuum across the floor.

Since undergoing surgery following a freak spinal injury, I felt betrayed by my body—once dependable and strong, it had failed me. I felt betrayed by my mind—once sharp and sure, it was overcome with depression. I felt betrayed by my God—where was He in all this pain?

Why didn’t He take this away?

Where is the joy His Spirit yields?

Was I doing faith wrong?

These questions gnawed at me, growing more frantic as days filled with pain melted into weeks and months. Anxiety’s edginess and depression’s lethargy began to isolate me.

On the outside I said and did the right things. When I was required to leave the house, I found energy to put on mascara and a clean shirt. I went to church. I found the right, optimistic words to describe how I was coping since surgery.