By Ashley Opliger
Brave Women Series - Ashley's Story
My mom and I checked into an Air BNB on the outskirts of Denver with my two-year-old son. I set up his pack n’ play in an upstairs bedroom, taped black-out travel curtains to the window, and put him to bed in his footed jammies.
Once he was asleep, I unpacked all of his special food and formula in the kitchen, organized his medical binders into a tote bag, and reviewed the list of questions in my notebook that I had planned to ask the doctors the next day.
Though I wish we had left Kansas for the mountains to go on a vacation, the nature of this trip was not for fun, but for medical reasons. At nine months old, our son was diagnosed with a rare GI immune disorder called FPIES (food-protein induced enterocolitis syndrome) after having a very serious reaction to eating egg. As the months progressed, we found that he had even more acute and chronic food triggers (which further limited his diet). So after struggling for more than a year to get him to gain weight on a very restricted diet, we sought out the GI and allergy experts at one of the best children’s hospitals in the country.
I will never forget the overwhelming sense of relief I felt the day I called and scheduled him for the week-long visit with their GI team. I had been up the night before crying to my husband as my anxious thoughts spiraled out of control. The weight of my worries kept waking me up. My brain wouldn’t let me sleep. All I wanted was to help my baby boy, but I had done everything I knew to do both as a mom and as a former Speech-Language Pathologist (SLP) with pediatric feeding experience.
We had already taken him to a host of doctors locally and within a few hours of our home with little to no help. He was already being seen by multiple feeding therapists. Some doctors praised us and said we were doing everything we could and there was nothing else to do, just stay the course and hope that it would get better with time. Others would order tests and labs I requested but offer no wisdom or direction of their own. And still, others downplayed our concerns or wrote them off entirely. But my son won’t eat. He isn’t growing as he should. He has fallen off the growth chart! Why doesn’t anyone care?
I knew something more was going on. This isn’t normal. Something is wrong. I knew I needed to be brave and be my son’s most powerful advocate, to keep pushing for answers and fighting for him even if that meant going against the grain and seeking second (or third) opinions. I believe this is how God wired us as mothers. It is His good and perfect design for us to nurture and protect the children He has entrusted us with. To be brave for them, even when we are scared ourselves.
"I believe this is how God wired us as mothers. It is His good and perfect design for us to nurture and protect the children He has entrusted us with. To be brave for them, even when we are scared ourselves."
The truth is, I would have carried him to Denver if I had to.
This thought brought me back ten years prior to when I was on a mission trip to Africa before I was married and had kids (and when I was working as an SLP). I was with a group of SLPs and Audiologists setting up clinics and providing services to children with special needs in Zambia and Kenya.
During one particular outing, we traveled to a remote village outside of Lusaka, Zambia where a crowd of people had gathered because they had heard that “American doctors” would be coming. People from miles away walked on dusty roads in broken sandals to bring their children with hearing loss or special needs to us.
One father had walked for hours carrying his teenage daughter who had cerebral palsy on his back in a fabric sling. He and his wife were looking for a miracle, a cure, a healing touch for their daughter. I’ll never forget the desperation I felt knowing that our team would not be able to heal her and would only be able to offer them strategies to help her with communication and feeding. But would that be worth the journey? I don’t know, but their willingness to carry her to us moved me to tears. What love is this? I thought.
Fast forward ten years and I am now a momma to three children (two sons on earth and a daughter in Heaven). What a blessing that God has allowed my heart to know this kind of love too. I now know there is nothing a mom wouldn’t do to protect and care for her children. It’s the way God made us. He made us strong and courageous, to be brave women so we can raise brave kids for the Lord.
"I now know there is nothing a mom wouldn’t do to protect and care for her children. It’s the way God made us. He made us strong and courageous, to be brave women so we can raise brave kids for the Lord."
So, back to our trip to the children’s hospital in Denver. The first day there, we met with their GI and allergy team for five hours to go over his case history. I was impressed with each doctor and how they listened attentively and took my concerns seriously. The next day, my son underwent general anesthesia to have a scope procedure done to look at his esophagus, stomach, and intestines. I changed him into his hospital gown and socks, gave him a kiss, and they wheeled him off to the procedure room.
Being separated from him made my momma heart so sad. This was one of the hardest things I have had to do. But as I sat in the waiting room, I felt the peace of God wash over me. We were where we were supposed to be, hopefully getting answers so we could move forward in a better direction. I said to myself, “I can do hard things.” Why? Because it is Christ that strengthens me (Philippians 4:13). He has made me brave. He has walked me through trials before and He has proven Himself faithful.
"I said to myself, “I can do hard things.” Why? Because it is Christ that strengthens me (Philippians 4:13). He has made me brave. He has walked me through trials before and He has proven Himself faithful."
Each struggle I've faced in my life has made me stronger, including the death of my first and only daughter at 24 weeks into my first pregnancy. But this strength is not how the world defines a “strong woman.” No, not in a feminist kind of way, but in the kind of strength that comes only through sanctification from the Lord.
"This strength is not how the world defines a “strong woman.” No, not in a feminist kind of way, but in the kind of strength that comes only through sanctification from the Lord."
It’s the strength that says:
● “This is hard, but I know God will see me through.”
● “I haven’t been here before, but I know my God will be faithful.”
● “This is really scary and I don’t know what the outcome will be, but I’m going to trust the Lord.”
● “Even if this doesn’t turn out how I want it to, I’m going to believe in God’s goodness.”
Trust me, sweet sister. I know this kind of strength feels like it’s hard to muster up. But I believe it comes from being refined through the trials of this life. Paul told the Romans that we should glory in our sufferings “because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us” (Romans 5:3-5 NIV).
Trials, even the ones that involve our children, are producing in us (and in them) the kind of perseverance that develops our character and pushes us toward hope. It reminds us of the Good News of the Gospel. So, I must believe that if God is allowing these medical issues in my son’s life that He will use them for good, for both my own testimony and my son’s.
"Trials, even the ones that involve our children, are producing in us (and in them) the kind of perseverance that develops our character and pushes us toward hope. It reminds us of the Good News of the Gospel."
I don’t what the future holds for him, but I know that going to Denver was the right decision. During the scope, they discovered that the opening of his stomach to his intestines (called the pylorus) was very narrow and not allowing food to pass as quickly as it should. They were able to dilate it with a balloon so that food would pass easier. This has significantly helped with his appetite and willingness to eat. This, along with some medications and other recommendations they made, have helped him gain more weight.
We are praising God for these little miracles and for His provision in leading the way in our son’s care. I am grateful for His Holy Spirit nudging and convicting us in the decisions we’ve made thus far. What a powerful God we have! We don’t have to be brave in our own strength, but we can lean into Him and His Holy Spirit to guide us.
"What a powerful God we have! We don’t have to be brave in our own strength, but we can lean into Him and His Holy Spirit to guide us."
I wish I could close this story with a nice happy ending, but we are still in the messy middle. Our son still has FPIES and is on a very limited diet due to his non-IGE allergic reactions to many food proteins. He still struggles with feeding, and we are still doing everything we can to help him eat and grow. Yet in the middle of this story, I know God is working it all out for our good and His glory.
So, I’ll end with this: mommas, let’s be brave for our kids. That’s who God made us to be and it’s Him who makes us brave. My prayer for my son is that he will grow big and strong and mighty for the Lord, not just physically but spiritually. May our bravery instill in our children a steadfast faith that endures through the trials of this life.
"My prayer for my son is that he will grow big and strong and mighty for the Lord, not just physically but spiritually. May our bravery instill in our children a steadfast faith that endures through the trials of this life."
Brave Woman Manifesto
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About Ashley
Ashley Opliger is the President and Executive Director of Bridget’s Cradles 501c3 nonprofit organization based in Wichita, Kansas. Bridget’s Cradles donates cradles to over 1,300 hospitals in all 50 states and comforts over 30,000 bereaved families a year. She is also the host of the Cradled in Hope podcast, a Gospel-focused podcast for moms grieving the loss of a baby.
Ashley is married to Matt, and they have three children: a daughter in Heaven and two sons on earth. She is a fully-devoted follower of Christ who desires for women to find faith to embrace a beautiful broken life.
Connect with Ashley on her website ashleyopliger.com or on Instagram and Facebook. You can learn more about Bridget's Cradles on their website bridgetscradles.com, as well as Instagram and Facebook.
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