By Becky Beresford
God's Brave Women - Becky's Story
I picked up my head and looked wearily into the bathroom mirror. Staring at the circles under my eyes, I thanked God for carrying me through another day.
To say this past year has been one of the hardest in my life would be an understatement. There have been blessings and beauty, but many days I didn’t know if my bending would turn into my breaking.
As a special needs’ family, we knew when Covid hit the aftermath would strike us twice as hard. My autistic son had amazing services in public school, including a one-on-one aid to help him focus and thrive. When all of it was taken away and they switched to remote learning, we were left to be David’s aid and teacher, as well as his physical, occupational, and speech therapist. Meanwhile, our two younger boys needed homeschooling and their working parents’ attention. The guilt and overwhelm I experienced as a mama torn in a thousand directions was too much.
It was an absolutely impossible task.
And we knew we were not alone. We joined in with countless other parents who were encountering impossible situations, taking too much on and tackling more than they could handle.
"We joined in with countless other parents who were encountering impossible situations, taking too much on and tackling more than they could handle."
We decided to take David out of public school and try different means of education because he could not keep up or stay focused within the context of online learning. We didn’t know if what we were doing was right or wrong. We were just trying anything we thought could help our family survive. God was capable of correcting our incorrect moves if needed.
When plan after plan fell through and the meltdowns continued to intensify and increase, the stress that weighed on my marriage and family was far beyond what I could manage. I had officially lost control. The fragile pieces of our lives slipped through my fingers and fell to the ground, shattering and echoing throughout the walls of our home.
"I had officially lost control. The fragile pieces of our lives slipped through my fingers and fell to the ground, shattering and echoing throughout the walls of our home."
Why did everything have to be so hard, God?
Couldn’t we catch a needed break instead of experience the breaking?
The questions lingered for months.
One morning I came across two verses in Psalm 130, and suddenly, I found myself brought to the brink of tears.
“I am counting on the Lord;
yes, I am counting on Him.
I have put my hope in His word…
O Israel, hope in the Lord;
for with the Lord there is unfailing love.
His redemption overflows.” (v. 5, 7 NLT)
In that moment I knew the words written to Israel centuries ago were also written for me. I didn’t need to count on myself… even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. I didn’t need to put my faith in my ability to figure everything out… I didn’t have the answers and wasn’t supposed to play a role only fit for God. My hope was anchored firmly in Jesus and His unfailing promises to our family.
Just because I couldn’t handle the trials of life didn’t mean I was failure. Recognizing our lack should never point us to shame. Instead, it should point us to our Savior and the overflowing redemption He brings.
"Recognizing our lack should never point us to shame. Instead, it should point us to our Savior and the overflowing redemption He brings."
When we look at the Bible we see a spectrum of stories that imitate our own. They are written by courageous Sisters and Brothers who were not brave in and of themselves. They struggled. They questioned. They wondered where God was when the storms raged and the calamities increased. They were imperfect and embodied the reality of human suffering in the midst of a shattered world. They were like us. They were breaking.
But they are also like us in our journey to becoming.
We are all people with one foot planted on earth and the other in the Kingdom. We are perfect in Christ and are being made into His perfection. We are in process and are processing and proclaiming the promises of God. We are breaking and breathing in the wholeness of our resurrected King. We are both/and. And we will be until we are finally with Jesus.
"We are in process and are processing and proclaiming the promises of God. We are breaking and breathing in the wholeness of our resurrected King. We are both/and. And we will be until we are finally with Jesus."
It’s glorious and holy and okay to feel the breaking because when we fall apart, we also fall into the faithful hands of God. We fall into the goodness of His character, and we can always count on Him.
"It’s glorious and holy and okay to feel the breaking because when we fall apart, we also fall into the faithful hands of God."
Christ is the Empowerer of our days. He helps us make the decision, serve when we’re exhausted, love when we are hurt, heal when we are wounded, believe when we are worried, and walk forward when we don’t know what will come.
David is going back to public school today and we couldn’t be more grateful. The support and care he will receive once again is priceless to us. But even more precious is the evidence of our Maker’s faithfulness and His ability to uphold every single promise during our hardships.
God remains true in the midst of our impossibilities. When we can’t, we know He can. He helps His Girls stay steady and brave, especially in the breaking.
Brave Woman Manifesto
Make sure to check back next week as another courageous Sister shares her story!
And by the way...
You are Brave!
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About Becky
Becky Beresford lives in Huntley, IL and is happily outnumbered by her husband and three wild boys. She is a writer, dreamer and speaker with a Master’s Certificate in Discipleship from Moody Theological Seminary. Becky loves encouraging God’s Daughters to embrace their truest selves in Christ and walk out the gospel truths fully empowered by God.
She would love to connect with you online at BeckyBeresford.com, where she has been hosting this amazing series, the Brave Women Series, each week for almost three years! Sign up to receive these empowering stories in your inbox, and you’ll also get a copy of the Brave Woman Manifesto: Five Things to Tell Yourself When Life Gets Hard for FREE.