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Facing Fear When Life Falls Apart

By Lisa Appelo

God's Brave Women - Lisa's Story

When life falls apart it also opens the door to new fear.

For most of my life, I had a variety of fears. I worried something might happen to my children or that one of us might get an unwanted diagnosis. But most of those fears were remote. When I really stopped to look at them, the chance of any of them happening was slim. When I realized how unlikely they were, I could easily move past the fears.

... Until several years ago when my husband suddenly passed away.

He was 47 years old. The possibility that Dan might die in the throes of raising our children had never even occurred to me and now it was a reality I was walking out.

When the unthinkable becomes a reality, it also opens the door to all kinds of new fear.

I feared for my children’s health. I feared they might act out in response to grief, or get angry or stuck in their grief. I worried about our finances and felt despair for the first time ever as I looked at the bleak, black hole that was my future

I was overwhelmed with single parenting and countless decisions and figuring out finances and fixing the broken water heater. I felt alone, fragile and vulnerable.

Although I’d wanted to take my kids to see the Grand Canyon for years, after Dan died, I just didn’t have it in me to do it alone. Twice I planned the trip and twice I found excuses to cancel it. We’d be starting in Florida and the driving, logistics and distance felt too big and too far to take on by myself.

But staying home wasn’t risk-free either. My husband had died in bed on the pillow next to mine. While life as I knew it had fallen ap