When Our Prayers Aren't Answered the Way We Hoped

By Carly Webber

God's Brave Women - Carly's Story

Have you ever begged God so hard for a thing that you thought it might just break you? If I just squeeze my eyes shut even tighter, clasp my hands as hard as I can grip them, add a thousand “please God’s” along with a thousand tears, maybe just maybe he will do this thing I am asking?

That thing I desperately begged God for was the healing of my first marriage. It seemed like a pretty worthy cause, as far as us Christians go. I mean, we know God intended for marriage to be for life, so why on earth, for what possible reason, would God not heal my marriage? Surely it was a request worthy of honoring?

I remember the day like it was yesterday. If I close my eyes I can still feel the pain of a fresh wound as though it occurred just seconds ago, despite the fact that years that have passed. Discovering my husband’s affair almost broke me. The pain of the rejection, the questions about my worth and value, all muddled and rolling around in my soul. It took whole years to even put them into words.

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"Discovering my husband’s affair almost broke me. The pain of the rejection, the questions about my worth and value, all muddled and rolling around in my soul. It took whole years to even put them into words."

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At the time, all I knew was that it hurt, more than anything had ever hurt before. Am I really that unlovable? Do I just ruin relationships? Maybe I’m abandonable, just not worth sticking around for? Boring is basically my middle name, fear my best friend. Why would anyone want to stick around for that?