God's Brave Women - Brittany's Story
My story begins with a sin—an act I confidently thought I’d never do.
I was 25-years-old and in leadership at a church in the Midwest. I was also in my first serious relationship, and I knew pretty soon this was the guy I wanted to marry. Life was beautiful and my future looked bright.
I had been a believer for 9 years at this point and during that time had adopted a list of sins I’d assume I’d never do. Sins so unfathomable that “of course” I’d never do them. Sins such as cheating, stealing, drunkenness, and sex outside of marriage, just to name a few. I thought it was impossible I’d ever do such things and as a result, put those sins in a cupboard and shut the door. I never thought about them and certainly didn’t take any precautions against them. They were called my Untouchables.
Two months into the relationship my boyfriend and I did one of the things on that list—sex outside marriage. In just a few moments my world came crashing down like a tidal wave.
In the aftermath I briefly froze in disbelief and then in an instant, the dam let loose a myriad of emotions. Shame. Fear. Sadness. Guilt. And with all of that, the knowledge of what I knew would happen once the news came out to my leadership. It was going to get worse before it got better.
"In just a few moments my world came crashing down like a tidal wave. In the aftermath I briefly froze in disbelief and then in an instant, the dam let loose a myriad of emotions. Shame. Fear. Sadness. Guilt."
The next day I confessed to my best friend what had happened, and I knew that the next day, when I went into work, it was necessary to tell my pastor. I knew I’d likely lose the position I held and would have to step out of ministry.
The next morning, I nervously went in to confess, however, my pastor already knew. My friend grew anxious with the news and told my boss. Flat out I was asked, right away, if I had slept with my boyfriend. And I collapsed in shame--into confession.
Everything I knew would happen happened and then so much more.
Although my pastor was gracious and loving, I was instructed to step out of ministry to pursue healing and restoration. It was a step backward in years of hard work and ministry sown. But I didn’t expect to lose the relationship, friends, and a little of my own trust in God.
It took a little over 2 years to find my way out of that broken valley and nearly 5 years to step into restoration. My brave was a daily decision to inch forward because for a long time I couldn’t bear to think about the next day. I hardly had enough faith for the day I was in and so one step at a time—one day at a time—I sought healing and redemption.
"My brave was a daily decision to inch forward because for a long time I couldn’t bear to think about the next day. I hardly had enough faith for the day I was in and so one step at a time—one day at a time—I sought healing and redemption."
God is faithful and abounding in grace; kind to even the ugliest parts of ourselves. He walked me through that season so beautifully and today, on the other end of that valley, my dust has been formed into a majestic tapestry of restoration. That boyfriend is now my husband and we have a handsome son. In addition, I was privileged to step back into ministry. And God healed those broken pieces in my soul.
I’m so thankful I didn’t remain hidden in the shadows with my sin. Confession was necessary for healing and restoration to take place in my broken soul. Was I afraid? Yes. But I don’t regret it one bit. Bringing my sin into the light was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it was completely worth it to be where I am today.
Brittany Rust has a passion to give encouragement to the world-weary believer through her writing, speaking, and podcasting. She is the author of Untouchable: Unraveling the Myth That You're Too Faithful to Fall and hosts the Epic Fails podcast. She is also the founder of For the Mama Heart, a space to breathe for those in the trenches of motherhood. Brittany, her husband Ryan, and their son Roman make their home in the Rocky Mountains, pursuing outdoor adventures, great food, and memorable stories together. Learn more at www.brittanyrust.com and find her on Instagram and Facebook.
Make sure to check back next week as another courageous Sister shares her story!
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