God's Brave Women - Ashley's Story

I live my life like I’m in control, but really it's the illusion of control.

I want to be in control; I have plans I want to accomplish. I realized I was living in this illusion when, in one quick day (over the course of one night), I went from a healthy, high energy, go-getter to laying in a hospital bed, nauseous, exhausted, unsure about what was going on in my body. My life screeched to a halt, and all I could do was wait. Wait for more information. Wait to hear from the doctors.

After the emergency room assessment and MRI scan, we briefly learned I had bleeding in my brain. By now other close friends and family were gathering. But we waited for more information from the Radiologist. Eventually the Radiologist informed us, it wasn’t cancerous, (a relief). The thing that caused this brain bleed was a cavernoma. A cavernoma is an abnormal cluster of blood vessels. You can be born with it or it can form over time. You can have it your whole life without knowing it as it doesn't always lead to complications. But when it bleeds, that’s when it causes complications. There’s really only two options—leave it and live with the chance of further bleeding and complications or have brain surgery to remove it. The doctors advised brain surgery. As the doctors left and this new information settled, questions surfaced: Was this going to be the end of my life? Would I become a vegetable? Would I be paralyzed or need hospital assistance the rest of my days. The illusion burst—I wasn’t in control.

“It’s going to be okay” a well-meaning family member stated, but in fact, I didn’t know it was going to be okay, nor did anyone else. Only God knew how my story would end.

“It’s going to be okay” a well-meaning family member stated, but in fact, I didn’t know it was going to be okay, nor did anyone else. Only God knew how my story would end."