Updated: Feb 25, 2020
By Kristina Cummings
God's Brave Women - Kristina's Story
Rejection is a rough place. It sneaks up on us when we least expect it and coaxes us to partner with it at a young age.
This has been my reality. Growing up I used to sing in choir, Irish dance and play the piano. Music lit my fire and singing made me come alive.
But throughout my childhood, I kept hearing the lie that I was not wanted and just tolerated. And as I grew up, I internalised that lie and took hold of it. Before I knew it, I’d stopped singing altogether and shoved my gift away because I partnered with the lie that when I sing, I am not worthy, wanted or loved.
Without realising it, I opened the door and invited rejection to come in and shape my identity. I took rejection on as who I was, instead of something that happened to me.
"Without realising it, I opened the door and invited rejection to come in and shape my identity. I took rejection on as who I was, instead of something that happened to me."
God Will Pull Your Dreams Right Back Out
Several years later, I encountered Jesus - and the more I spent time with Him, the more He kept pulling out my desire to sing.
It was like a beach ball in water. The more I tried to shove it down, the more it just popped back up again.
And I was TERRIFIED.
I so deeply believed I was unworthy that I couldn’t even tell my friends or family I felt born to do it.
And the first time I tried out for the worship team, I was so terrified I could barely squeak out the song and didn’t make the cut three times in a row.
It forced me to look inward and really ask the Lord to show me why this was such an issue for me. Why was fear pointing its sword at the EXACT thing I felt destined to do?
It was like my brain and body were on RED ALERT every time I opened my mouth to sing a note. And even though I’m not the type of person to shy away from fear (my personality tends to charge head first and do it scared), I still didn’t get why it was such a struggle for me no matter how many times I forced myself to do it.
So I sat with the Lord, and He took me back to childhood. He reminded me of a time when I sang and acted out Disney songs in my bedroom until family members would come in and tell me to quiet down. They weren’t trying to shame me, but my tiny little heart took that as a queue to stop singing because I must not be good enough.
Or the time I sat down to my piano recital in third grade, and my mind blanked on the entire song. My teacher wouldn’t look at me and ignored me for the rest of the year! I felt so shamed, and once again, the blow to my tiny little heart told me to stop doing music altogether.
As a child, we don’t realise how quickly our sweet little brains internalise seemingly innocent moments and take them on as identity statements.
And over time, those lies become so ingrained inside of us that we forget we ever partnered with them in the first place!
Fear is NOT Your Leader
But a year ago, I had my first big breakthrough in this area.
I was preparing for a cabaret performance, and my heart started to beat so fast I could barely breathe. I literally remember seeing the hand of fear reach out to me, coaxing me to give it permission to lead.
Right then, He whispered ‘You’ll empower what you believe.’ And I knew I had a choice to make. So, I finally yelled out ‘Fear, you are NOT MY LEADER!’
"Right then, He whispered ‘You’ll empower what you believe.’"
Did I still shake incessantly? You better believe it. But this time I chose to believe I was WORTHY to sing because His love compelled me to. And that the presence of God was GREATER in me than the fear that surrounded me.
Because God’s love damages fear. It fights fear in and around us.
And the opposite of fear isn’t faith…it’s LOVE.
"Love never brings fear, for fear is always related to punishment. But love’s perfection drives the fear of punishment far from our hearts. Whoever walks constantly afraid of punishment has not reached love’s perfection."
1 John 4:18
Nothing can separate us from the love of God… but we still have to choose to take His hand whenever fear calls our name.
Friend, feeling fear is HUMAN. And we’ll be facing it for the rest of our lives, so we might as well develop a strategy to push through it without coming into agreement with it.
The enemy has zero power over us unless we give it to him… and oftentimes that happens without us even realising it.
Which is why it’s crucial to ask God to reveal the lies you’ve believed that are empowering fear to take hold. Because the root of fear comes from believing a lie… but allowing God’s love to flood in with the truth leads to freedom.
"The root of fear comes from believing a lie… but allowing God’s love to flood in with the truth leads to freedom."
Let’s commit to facing our fears head on with His LOVE as our weapon of choice on the battleground. He is so kind, friend. And you were born to chase after those God-sized dreams on your heart…because He put them there for a reason!
Kristina is a writer, singer, citizen of the world, spinal cord injury survivor, chronic illness warrior and professional encourager – writing devotionals and creating content that champions women to heal in body, soul and spirit, grow their faith and step into freedom. She has a powerful love for the presence of God that spills into her writing in a vulnerable way, while providing practical tools to equip and empower you to take your relationship with God to the next level. She’s also an ENFP, is a 7 on the enneagram, loves Broadway and is always up for adventure and a good cup of coffee. Come say hi on the blog!
Brave Woman Manifesto
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