By Rachel Baker
God's Brave Women - Rachel's Story
I’ve always had a deep sense of justice. Even as a little girl an injustice would move me to action.
If I felt that a friend in class were being overlooked, I’d advocate on their behalf. If one of my sisters were being bullied, I had no problem facing down their assailant even if they were twice my size—which was often the case. In high school gym class I remember a girl throwing a basketball at my best friend’s head, all 98-pounds of my justice-seeking fury was unleashed on this unsuspecting attacker. Justice, or my deep need for justice, has been my life-long companion.
As an adult, a woman leading other women in ministry and a pastor’s wife, I still have a deep hunger for justice. When I see women in my ministry who have endured a life-time of abuse, or an unfaithful spouse, or the struggle of walking their children through a health issue, I have no problem dropping to my knees and crying out in prayer on their behalf. “Fix it, God!” I’ll plead. On their behalf, I want healing, restoration, protection and of course, most of all, justice.
This deep desire for justice can be a beautiful thing, however, I’m learning that it can have a dark shadow-side as well.
"This deep desire for justice can be a beautiful thing, however, I’m learning that it can have a dark shadow-side as well."
A couple years ago, my husband and I walked through an incredibly difficult ministry season. Our names were dragged through the mud, our character attacked and false-narratives were spread. Everything in my flesh wanted to fight back, set the record straight, correct the narrative and protect myself and my family. I wanted justice. My deep need for justice became an issue of vengeance. How easily I fell into sin, my mind became a battlefield and my heart became as hard as a rock.
"My deep need for justice became an issue of vengeance. How easily I fell into sin, my mind became a battlefield and my heart became as hard as a rock."
For my friends and the individuals I’ve served in ministry, I have always trusted God to make things right. I’ve trusted him to be the ultimate provider of justice. But when it came to my own situation, where was my trust? I struggled to believe the words written in Hebrews 10:30, “For we know him who said, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay.” And again, “The Lord will judge his people.” (ESV)
I wanted to be the source of my own vengeance and redemption. How quickly I forgot God’s saving grace and the mercy that he had so lavishly poured out upon me.
"I wanted to be the source of my own vengeance and redemption. How quickly I forgot God’s saving grace and the mercy that he had so lavishly poured out upon me."
Have you ever been there; hurt or betrayed and so desperately wanting God to intervene? Have you ever taken up your own cross and attempted to fix things in your own timing? Me too.
In the middle of all my brokenness, in my need for my timing and my justice to be God’s timing and God’s justice, I broke down. My walls of pride shattered and my icy heart melted. The Holy Spirit rested upon me and breathed this gentle reminder to me: “Rachel, be still, I am fighting for you.”
Allowing God to fight for us in the spiritual realm, in the hearts and minds of others, and in ways that we cannot see, nor comprehend can feel like walking a tight-rope. There, suspended in the air, with no tangible safe-guard in sight, we must cling to the promises God has already made.
"Allowing God to fight for us in the spiritual realm, in the hearts and minds of others, and in ways that we cannot see, nor comprehend can feel like walking a tight-rope. There, suspended in the air, with no tangible safe-guard in sight, we must cling to the promises God has already made."
The justice that we so often seek, the justice of this world, pales in comparison to what God is working out. His plan for us and for humanity is so much greater than anything that we could comprehend.
It hurts to not fully understand the greater picture, and yes, there is suffering outside of justice, however I’m learning—as slowly as it may be—that sometimes the bravest thing that we can do is surrender our own need for vindication and allow God to work in miraculous ways.
"It hurts to not fully understand the greater picture... however I’m learning—as slowly as it may be—that sometimes the bravest thing that we can do is surrender our own need for vindication and allow God to work in miraculous ways."
My story doesn’t end in the unresolved. Graciously, God did vindicate and the truth of our situation was revealed. This vindication did not make the suffering we experienced in that season any less painful, however, it did deepen our trust and our faith. Perhaps, that season was a training ground for the difficulties ahead, the twists and turns that we would and will experience in life.
"God did vindicate and the truth of our situation was revealed. This vindication did not make the suffering we experienced in that season any less painful, however, it did deepen our trust and our faith."
Looking back, I can shake my head and thank God for his tenderness and continual mercy. “Lord, how little my faith and yet how much you love me. Teach me to be brave. Deepen my faith.”
“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19)
Brave Woman Manifesto
Make sure to check back next week as another courageous Sister shares her story.
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About Rachel
Rachel Baker is the author of Deconstructed, a bible study guide for anyone who feels overwhelmed or ill-equipped to study the word of God. She is a pastor’s wife and director of women’s ministries, who believes in leading through vulnerability and authenticity. She is a cheerleader, encourager, and sometimes drill-sergeant.
She serves the local church alongside her husband, Kile, in Northern Nevada. They have two amazing kiddos and three dogs. Rachel is fueled by coffee, tacos and copious amounts of cheese.
For more on Rachel and her resources see her website www.rachelcheriebaker.com or connect with her on Instagram.