By Jenna Kruse
Brave Women Series - Jenna's Story
Stay. That’s the word I got from God after receiving the publishing company acceptance letter—my first potential job in my field of study. The pay would be a promotion from my current gig at the Boys and Girls Club Teen Center.
Stay—an uncomfortable word for someone like me. Driven by to-do lists and accomplishments, I was a 23-year-old recent grad who wanted to change the world yet often let the world define me by my resume—by what was, or more acutely, what wasn’t yet on it.
Surprisingly, I obeyed. Without knowing the exact reason, I dialed the number and turned down the job offer. I presumed my time wasn’t over with these teens just yet.
Staying meant more late evenings befriending teenagers, learning all the greatest ‘70s Wii Rock Band songs, helping students with homework, and running dodgeball games in the gym. I prayed my time with the teens would instill in them a sense of worth, almost all of whom had experienced much more pain and hardship than I could confess in my ten years their senior.
"I prayed my time with the teens would instill in them a sense of worth, almost all of whom had experienced much more pain and hardship than I could confess in my ten years their senior."
A few months passed and then two girls walked through those club doors whom, in hindsight, I realize were the reason for God’s instruction to “stay.” Their group home mom introduced them to me as Nicole and Natalie Brown, twins about to turn 14. But I was too busy doubting they would like it here to remember much else about the conversation. Their similar faces seemed to stonewall me—this young, perhaps naïve woman who stood before them in her Boys and Girls Club polo.
I would later learn that, to them, perfect strangers like me became adoptive parents who became abusive nightmares for five years of their lives. Or they became court-appointed social workers who learned every detail of their heart-wrenching past and then moved on to the next case or the next job, leaving them behind.
I admit that in the moment, I judged God small. I had grown up with contrasting life circumstances. How could he use me? How could I possibly relate?
"I admit that in the moment, I judged God small. I had grown up with contrasting life circumstances. How could he use me? How could I possibly relate?"
It was the summer and we were scheduled to go on a field trip to the arcade that day. I saw a couple of unexpected smiles while we played Who Wants to Be a Millionaire on an arcade screen. Later that day, Natalie began opening up to me about boy problems and thus started chipping down the iceberg that was her life story.
I spent the next year and a half getting to know Nicole and Natalie, who, unbeknownst to any of us, would become my family—defined not by birthright or by court papers but by action. The truth is, despite my doubting, God had given me a lot to offer these girls—a listening ear, for starters, and a cell phone number to pass out.
"I spent the next year and a half getting to know Nicole and Natalie, who, unbeknownst to any of us, would become my family—defined not by birthright or by court papers but by action. The truth is, despite my doubting, God had given me a lot to offer these girls—a listening ear, for starters, and a cell phone number to pass out."
When I finally did resign from my job to have my first baby, I gave a small handful of the students my phone number. It wasn’t long before I received my first phone call from one of the twins, which soon became weekly scheduled conversations with each of them. I didn’t always know what advice to give, but it didn’t seem to matter.
Phone calls turned into attending extracurriculars. Nicole and Natalie performed on a steps team at school, so I came to watch a performance. Eventually, we started attending church together, and we spent the half hour before the Sunday service making loops in the parking lot to teach these almost 18-year-olds how to drive. Not my first choice, but it beat the alternative of being a forever chauffeur.
I tight roped between mother figure and older sister, mentor and friend, not always finding the right balance. Sometimes there was tension. But they made me laugh, they gave me a greater purpose, and their faith and determination rattled me. They turned 18 at the beginning of their senior year of high school and chose to go their own way rather than continue living in a foster home.
So, a few days before Nicole and Natalie started their senior year of high school, we moved them into an apartment on their own. They made sure the bills got paid. Together, we worked on budgeting skills and learned the fine art of negotiating used car prices. They worked and finished school. During that time, they began spending holidays with my husband and me and with our extended families.
I watched as Nicole and Natalie broke down every wall and climbed past every negative statistic that said who they should have turned out to be. Soon they were graduating high school, and we needed to celebrate. So, we started planning a graduation party.
"I watched as Nicole and Natalie broke down every wall and climbed past every negative statistic that said who they should have turned out to be."
Though it wasn’t court official, somewhere in there, Nicole and Natalie had become like daughters to me and older sisters to my three young kids. They would go off to college, and we did everything that life with college kids brings: moving them in and out of dorm rooms and apartments and opening our home to them in the transitions.
I never expected to help raise teenagers while I myself was learning to become an adult. It wasn’t something I signed up to do. It happened one obedient step at a time, one messy “yes” after another.
"I never expected to help raise teenagers while I myself was learning to become an adult. It wasn’t something I signed up to do. It happened one obedient step at a time, one messy “yes” after another."
So, while I prefer action verbs—words like go, do, accomplish—all I had really given to Nicole and Natalie and God through all of this was my availability. My staying. To me, that sounded like a passive kind of word.
But I am learning that obedience to God, whatever that looks like in the moment, is never passive. Listening to God takes courage, and I could never have imagined the adventure he placed me on in the staying.
"I am learning that obedience to God, whatever that looks like in the moment, is never passive. Listening to God takes courage, and I could never have imagined the adventure he placed me on in the staying."
Today, Nicole as well as Natalie and her husband are registered foster parents, advocating for vulnerable children during times of crises for other families.
Brave Woman Manifesto
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About Jenna
As a mom of three school-aged children and youth ministry leader for over fifteen years, Jenna Kruse teaches parents and children how to recognize the heart of the gospel tucked into their family’s crazy everyday lives. She equips families to transform the seeming distractions of screen time into a catalyst for their next gospel-centered, life-giving conversation. You can find her work at somethinglikescales.com and connect with her on Instagram or Facebook.
When she’s not writing, speaking, or freelance writing/editing for faith-based organizations, Jenna and her family enjoy road trips, outdoor activities, and serving students and families at their local church in Indianapolis, Indiana.
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