The Tension of Bravery: Sorting Through Peace and Panic as We Say YES to God
By Natalia Drumm
God's Brave Women - Natalia's Story
“You can’t be serious, Lord?!?!? I asked if you wanted me to do this years ago, why now? Why this? It will change everything.”
I remember the battle as if it was yesterday. A few years ago, the Lord began leading my heart toward the path of homeschooling my three boys. We had been happy in our current school system for many years. As a former public school educator, I valued the work done by many teachers and the power of learning in a classroom. But as our lives shifted, so did God’s leading.
There I sat, the letter of intent staring me in the face. I was a teacher before, why was I so terrified of this new season? Surely I would be capable of this. Besides, they were my children after all, and I had taught other people’s children for years.
Why was I so terrified?
Deep down I knew.
Everything in my world had been comfortable up until that point and I knew it. Life felt charmed and sweet, and while it was, I also knew God had been stirring in my heart. The comfort led to complacency. The calling ahead of me was a challenge. There would only be growth when I learned the grace necessary for the journey.
"Everything in my world had been comfortable up until that point and I knew it... The comfort led to complacency. The calling ahead of me was a challenge. There would only be growth when I learned the grace necessary for the journey."
Terrified, I filled out the form, signed my name, mailed it off to the county and committed to this path for our family. Everything inside me felt the tension of peace and panic. I was at peace because I knew I was being obedient, and panicking as I processed what this decision really meant for my life. Changes were going to be made. Sacrifices in abundance. Dying to self would have a whole new meaning as I put on hold some of my life’s greatest dreams.
No one seems to talk about the tension of bravery. The panic and peace at war with one another. The strength that comes from making the first step in the journey and the fear that follows as you realize the first step is one of many on a very long journey.
"No one seems to talk about the tension of bravery. The panic and peace at war with one another. The strength that comes from making the first step in the journey and the fear that follows as you realize the first step is one of many on a very long journey."
Brave would never have been the word I would have tagged myself with that day as I filled out those forms. But today I can see how obedience marked the beginning of a series of brave choices. I wasn’t brave because I switched our schooling option. I was brave because I took God at His word.
"I can see how obedience marked the beginning of a series of brave choices. I wasn’t brave because I switched our schooling option. I was brave because I took God at His word."
In Isaiah 41:13 the prophet Isaiah quotes God, “For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear;I will help you.”
It was a verse I would need over and over again, each and every morning as I leaned into God’s power to get me through each day.
What I never realized about that one decision and the power of being brave enough to say yes to God, was that over the following years there were going to be many decisions our family would have to make that would be scary and make us feel like we were on the edge of a cliff and being called to jump off. But because I knew God had been faithful to me in the day to day work of homeschooling my boys, my trust in Him grew and grew.
Decisions became less and less scary because I trusted in the faithfulness of our good Father. His faithfulness was personal to me and I knew I could trust Him for the scary moments in life that lay ahead.
"Decisions became less and less scary because I trusted in the faithfulness of our good Father. His faithfulness was personal to me and I knew I could trust Him for the scary moments in life that lay ahead."
So often we feel bravery is about us, but when I’m the standard of courage, it keeps me very aware of how scared I should be. But when my courage is tied to the faithfulness of God, being brave becomes possible because it’s not about my power and strength. It depends on God and whether I partner with Him or not.
"When I’m the standard of courage, it keeps me very aware of how scared I should be. But when my courage is tied to the faithfulness of God, being brave becomes possible because it’s not about my power and strength. It depends on God and whether I partner with Him or not."
As another school year approaches and now we are looking at schooling our kids in high-school, middle-school and elementary, and the fear begins to creep in, I remind myself of that brave decision years ago and how faithful God has been. So, I say yes again to being brave because it means an adventure with God lies ahead.
Friend, I don’t know the scary things that are facing you right now, but I know we all likely have something in our lives that God is calling us to be brave in. I encourage you to be brave. Trust God with your “yes”, and you won’t regret it. He is faithful, and He will be with you through it all.
Brave Woman Manifesto
Make sure to check back next week as another courageous Sister shares her story.
And by the way...
You are Brave!
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About Natalia
Natalia Drumm is a girl passionate about equipping women to study God’s word and encouraging them to grow in their faith. Between homeschooling her boys, graduate school and helping her husband with their business, her days are full of God’s grace in many ways. She is also the creator of Girlfriends in the Word™ Bible study guides for busy women and a weekly podcast.
To learn more about her, find her on Instagram @nataliadrumm and be sure to sign up for her weekly Friday Faith Fuel devotionals at www.nataliadrumm.com.