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God's Brave Women - Kristine's Story


God's Brave Women - Kristine's Story

To me, there is a beautiful balance to bravery. I have been labeled “brave” by the world at times when I am the most weak, and the irony is not lost. I am either fresh from a trial, or I am raw from reliving the journey through the flames. Learning to see myself as brave has been a quest for harmony between blindness and sight.

For me, intentional blindness to fear and uncertainty is the first step in protecting myself from inaction. I cannot take a leap if I know how far I can fall. Opposite of blindness, bravery to me also involves selective sight. We have eyes to see, ears to hear. I chose sight in fixing my eyes on Him, on God, and His promises for my life.

Selective blindness was the only way to take any steps in my first pregnancy 5 years ago. At our 20 week anatomy scan, we found out that our baby was a girl, and that she had numerous complications threatening her sweet little existence. I had numerous doctors and specialists telling me, almost daily, that the baby I insisted I would keep carrying was likely going to die. These people were all so smart; they had more degrees than a thermometer, and I always came to the table feeling like I had to fight to keep fighting. I felt pressure from all sides to abandon the road I was on, take a different path, and the different path suggested didn’t seem easy either.

It was hard for the world to watch as I walked this path of pain; I don’t fault them for trying to take the hurt from me. But one of the underlying challenges to bravery is managing the expectations of a world that doesn't understand you. Bravery is crying out to Him for stability when the world is shifting constantly beneath you.

 

"Bravery is crying out to Him for stability when the world is shifting constantly beneath you."

 

So, I kept walking. I progressed to 30 weeks balancing blindness and sight. Blindness to how hard it all was; trying to ignor